I Wonder....

I am a 28 year old women. Single mom. I like to think I am intelligent. By the grace of God I have created a stable career for myself. I have an awesome sense of humor. I like to think I am a contributing member of society. But, sometimes I wonder.....

When I am at the grocery store and I see a lady wearing a hospital mask that covered her mouth I wonder; is she keeping it in or keeping it out?

When I am at the park and I see a grown human being pull out a tiny baggie and pick up dog poop I wonder; who is the real master in the relationship?

When I am driving and I see somebody pick their nose I wonder; why no tissue? and Where do they put it if they have no tissue? and...does their spouse know about their nose picking? and if so, does the spouse accept this as a character flaw? How does the spouse look at him and feel attraction? Do they wash their hands before supper?

When I am out and about town and see a couple that consist of one very strange person and one unpleasant person I wonder; Where am I missing the mark? what is it that I am not doing right? here these two unpleasantly strange folk have found love and yet I , who shower daily, who is awesome, am still single?

When I see a sign that reads "made fresh daily" I wonder; does this mean they make it fresh each day or they make it fresh during the day time? And, why not just be more specific. We are all on pins and needles wondering exactly how fresh this thing that is made daily is.

When I see somebody Park in a parking spot designated for persons that hold the "disabled" placard, yet said person gets out of the car and skips t their destination I wonder; what would their mother say? What would other disabled folk say? and...what would happen if I asked this person " excuses me, does being a big faker qualify you for the disabled placard?"

These are thoughts that pass through my mind. I have kept them bottles inside all theses years and I feel its time I just get honest. there it is people. I'm a weirdo.

Also, at my workplace we have an old security guard who constantly sleeps on the job. I find new ways to startle him awake each day...and then right as he wakes up I just walk past him normal as if I hadn't heard any loud noises or jolted his chair at all.

Some might say that its mean. I say its the little pleasures in life that keep each day interesting.

This has been a random post brought to you by me, Jess.

Honesty

One of the biggest lessons in life that I have learned is absolute honesty.
I find it easy to be honest with other people, living the life I used to and then giving it all to Christ makes me want to be an open book. I want people to know all the details about me if it touches their heart or relates to their circumstances. As I grow and learn more of the Lord I realize that Honesty is so necessary.

Honesty before God. Honesty with ourselves. honesty.

Jaden has been learning about the values of honesty lately as well. this morning she was making up some off the wall lie about how a cookie grew legs, walked off of the kitchen counter and jumped into her mouth and how "she didn't even touch it". She was about midway through her lie when she stopped and put head down and said..."Okay I was lying mom. God knows and you know it huh?" She apologized for eating the cookie and went about her day.

with me, something I have learned recently is Honesty before God. Of course God knows all the ins and outs of a mans soul. Of course he knows every step before we even move.
Then why do so many Christians come into the presence of God and try to hide their struggles and resentments?

"don't look at me in that tone of voice" its true.

The Lord tells us in his word that before we come to him, if we harbor any resentment or conflict in our hearts towards another that we are to leave our offering at the alter and go to that person and be reconciled. After the reconciliation only, are we to come before our Lord with the sacrifice.
Now of course today we don't walk up to the alter carrying a lamb or goat but we do bring the sacrifice of praise and worship. We do whiteness, we are salt and light.

I can honestly say that I have been set free form something I like to call the " Adam and Eve Complex"...they hid in the garden as if God didn't know the scoop before hand. I had to tell the Lord that I was sorry for trying to hide my own selfish earthly desires from him. The great thing about this is that my God forgives and renews. After I gave it all up and was honest with myself and God,I noticed how truly free I was to worship Him and to praise without any thing hindering his amazing presence.

Honesty is necessary for healing, for progress, for reconciliation and for a good life basically. Honesty is really the best policy.

So, if this makes any kind of sense to anybody then I encourage you to get before the Lord and search your heart. Are you being honest with God today? Are you being honest with yourself?

Live unto the Lord

You blink your eyes a few times and take in a deep breath. You are now in eternity. That first breath here was your last on earth. Your eyes are open here as soon as they close on earth. It happens that fast. Sweet relief for some. Absolute terror that never ends for others.

I think of my grandma Bonnie. She loved the Lord so much and never wavered in her Faith. I can only imagine the joy she experienced when she took that first breath in eternity. The first time she looked at the face of her Jesus. Man, can you imagine?

Then I think about my grandpa Larkin and how I know beyond all doubt that he is in Heaven cheering for us kids down here. I know because even though it was delayed, eventually through seeing the love walk of his oldest granddaughter, he saw the love of Christ and accepted Him.

What a peace for the Believer in Jesus. What a future and a hope we have. What a peace we can rest in when we lose those who we love and miss, knowing we will see them again someday.
I think about the Millions of people that do not even know the name of Jesus let alone of His saving grace. Where is their comfort when they lose a loved one? Where does the peace come from if any comes at all? What is their future and hope?

Today I learned that a very well respected co-worker has passed into eternity. He went to sleep and never woke up; here. As I talked about it with two of my co-workers who were extremely close to this man we went rounds and rounds about the caliber of this man. We spoke of how he made you feel like family whether you knew him a minute or lifetime. How he was a hard working man, a straight forward stand up kind of guy. He will be so dearly missed by so many.
I don’t know the condition of this man’s heart toward my Lord. I couldn’t tell you where his spirit spends eternity if you asked me. I wonder though.

I do know that the only way to Heaven is through the blood of Jesus and accepting the cross as our freedom. I know that we don’t enter the Kingdom of heaven for any other reason than receiving Christ in our hearts and serving him. It’s not by our good deeds, relationships or good intentions.

I do know that I want to devote the remainder of my life to telling as many people about eternity without a savior though. I don’t want to be so consumed in my own life anymore. I want to be consumed by the Will of God. I want to tell as many people that I can about the Lord and about how to truly reach heaven.

The reality is that we only live by the grace and mercy of god. Life is a fragile thing and it is only authorized by the Lord. Each second, each minute, each day an absolute blessing and gift. I want to make the most of this life. I imagine we all do.

Maybe this came to me simply because of circumstances, due to the loss of this one man. I think sometimes it is so easy to understand that when another believer passes through to heaven they wouldn’t come back for anything. But, perhaps my new perspective comes from questioning this man’s passing. Is he at peace with our Lord or does he beg for one last chance to go back and do it all again?
Whatever the reason, I am moved to be more than I am today. To reach more people. To live each moment of my life as a blessing unto the Lord. I don’t want to be a comfortable Christian any more. I don’t and I won’t let people pass by my life and not know that grace and mercy of the Father who loves and saves.
I encourage fellow believers to look around today at the ones we know that don’t know our Lord. Let’s pray for them, let’s reach them. And let’s give our best while we are here. Let’s truly live our lives as unto the Lord.

Fear of Commmmmmitement

Me: Ummmm hi everyone…my name is Jessica.

Everyone: Hiiiiii Jessicaaaaaa

Me: ummm I guess I am here today because I have a problem….

Everyone: ahhhh its alright sis let it out

Me: Ummmm I am a Chronic drama queen and constant flip flopper. I have commitment issues.

Everyone: Its okay, we all have issues this is the safe zone.

Me: I guess it all started back in my childhood when everybody under the sun would buy me and my younger sister the exact same gifts; just in different colors. I never had a chance. I cannot make a decision on my own unless somebody else makes the same decision with me…just in a different color.

Group Leader: This is good, we are in step 2 we have passed the denial stage and are now “accepting” ourselves as we are. All part of the healing process.

Group: Yes (all said in an encouraging tone)

Me: I guess…I mean…..I know what I like to do. I know what I want to do. I have my own ideas… But unless somebody gets on the train with me I just can’t leave the station you know?

Group: nodding in agreement

Group Leader: Hmmmmm. I wonder if we can’t all give Jessica a big safe group hug for this amazing display of bravery.

Group: chairs are squeaking and people are hobbling over to group hug me. It smells like bologna sandwiches.

Me: Thanks everyone. I feel much better. I guess Making the decision to come here today was a step in the right direction huh?

Group Leader: Exactly. All part of the healing process.

Me: I am smart, funny, talented and dogonit people like me no matter what. I am capable of making decisions.