mmm Change

Change. Life would be the same without it.
Me, I have a love hate relationship with change. I love the idea of something new and different, uncharted territory. Yet, I hate the process that takes place before the result of change comes into view.
the process of letting go of the old and reaching for the new is necessary for change to ocour though. As 2009 begins to come to its close I am getting a head start on my annual life reflection...what have I learned this year?
the Lord has taught me about the importance of necessity.How this are necessary and how we need certain things in order to attain other things. Let me explain:
I need to have faith if I want a dream to believe in. I need to learn how to love myself before I can really love somebody else. I need to let go of hurts and pains of the past if I want to walk in fullness of joy and receive healing. I need to be separate from this world if I want to truly live for God.
As I have learned these lessons this year the one word, the catch phrase, the banner of this year for me would be "Necessary".
I moved to Stockton,CA in August of 2006 with no promises of a better life, not assurance that things would be okay, no real plans. Just me and my tiny bug Jaden. The first lesson I learned upon my arrival was how to step out in faith. I learned how fear is all part of the process of letting go of the natural world and reaching out for the supernatural. I learned that as soon as you grasp faith, fear immediately leaves. The act or reaching is necessary though, the stepping out into unknown.
I also learned how to be a true cheerful giver. As a single mom who started out on welfare and WIC this was hard to learn. I would give reluctantly. I learned that if you give reluctantly then you might as well not give at all because in your heart you are still robbing God. Its not the money He is after, its the condition of you heart towards him that he desires to see completely trusting in Him alone. I used to wish I had money to buy things and have what otter people have, I am being honest. Today I wish I had money to pay for the Lords Gym employees in full, to get teenagers on missions trips or to pay for their camp scholarships. As a single mom who no longer requires assistance from Welfare and WIC, I understand now that the Kingdom of God doesn't advance on things of this earth but on the hearts that are moved while on earth. The years of paycheck to paycheck are necessary, the going without, its all necessary for me. it has taught me how to be a good Stewart in my finances and how to really appreciate the life I have instead of wanting somebody else's life. And my cupboards are always full.
Later on in 2007 I learned how to heal. I learned how bad wounds can hurt before they heal over and become a scar. its not an overnight process, its a long drawn out and agonizing thing for some. but the peace of God and rest in Him is where we can renew our strength through the pain of healing. Healing is tuff though,especially if we fight it. I fought emotional healing for years, it was like trying to run a mile with a broken leg. The pain and rest in the Lord however was so necessary for the healing.
In 2008 I began to learn how amazing God is and how absolutely nothing is impossible in God. How mountains will move out of your way when God's will is in play. I learned about physical healing and how miracles are not just stories in the Old Testament. Just as our faith is active so is the Living word of God and its there for us each day to call on, to hold God to in our scary times when we don't understand things.
I learned how Jaden and I being "on our own" didn't mean that were "alone" it meant that we were simply in waiting for the perfect man for our lives. Something I have learned this year is how beauty lie in our relationship with God and not in our outside appearances. How, I am worth waiting on. I learned that being a mother means sacrifice, but how the sacrifice is really a blessing in disguise.
All in all God has changed my life in the most amazing way. I am so grateful to Him. I have salvation, freedom, peace, promises and a future. I look forward to 2010 because I know I will only continue to learn and grow. I am excited at what God has done in me and I cant wait for the next opportunity to move and be changed.